Christians are straight up FREAKS
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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