We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
