I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
