Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
