He uses pillows to masturbate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
