You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
