I should be sponsored by Trojan
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
