His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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