It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
