Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
