Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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