Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
