I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
