Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
