after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize