But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
