I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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