i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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