Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
