HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
