Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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