I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
