So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
