Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
