Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
