you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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