it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
