Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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