I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
