I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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