I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize