if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
