pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
