my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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