Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
