so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
