cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
