can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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