He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
