Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize