She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i think i just lost a toe
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
