uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
