the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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