Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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