Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if only i could text you this smell
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my poor anus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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