we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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