I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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