Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
