Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize