im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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