just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
