hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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