whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
