no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
