Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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