Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
