She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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