im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
