you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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