Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Actions speak louder than pants.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
