Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i love accidental penises.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
