i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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