I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
