I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
