I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have feelings that need drinking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
