Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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