She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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