i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
