As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
