Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
