Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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